Lost Finale Spoof 2
by HeidiBug731
Summary: Spoof over Season Two Finale of Lost. I promised that I'd do a second one, so here it is! I hope it lives up to the first!


Charlie: A boat. We're saved!

Jack: Right. Sawyer. Sayid. Strip and let's go!

Fan Girls: YAY! Shirtless Sawyer goodness!

Shannon Haters: (cries) We don't have anyone to hate! Oh, well, at least Sayid's hot again! YAY!

Katie: (looks through binoculars) Damn! Why is jack the only one with his shirt still on?

Charlie: Maybe it's a trap . . .

Hurley: You just said we we're getting rescued.

Charlie: Well . . . you know . . . incase I'm wrong . . .

Jack: I'll just climb up this conveniently placed rope that's hanging here for apparently no reason.

Sawyer: You know, in real life, the salt water would jam these guns.

Desmond: Good thing mine hasn't been in the salt water!

Jack: Watch me brake this door with my bare foot!

Desmond: Three shirtless men are pointing guns at me. I must be dreaming! Oh, wait. There's only TWO shirtless men. I'm not dreaming; I'm just drunk!

--LOST--

Kate: Since when did I become the designated tribal leader?

Jack: Tell them Desmond's back. Since they're all non-main characters, that ought to REALLY confuse them.

Desmond: (singing) It's a small world after all!

Flashback Desmond: Yes! I'm the only character with good-looking flashback hair!

Guard: I don't like you.

Charles Widmore: I don't like you either. And you may think that my daughter does, but she doesn't.

Flashback Desmond: Well, this place is just full of love, isn't it?

Desmond: (singing) Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall! Ninety-nine bottles of beer! You take one down and pass it around . . . uh, f-ck, I lost count.

Sayid: Fate has given us the boat.

Jack: Whoa, wait a minute. You're starting to sound like Locke.

Former Shannon Haters: Yes, and that's not hot at all, Sayid.

Sayid: I'll use these leaves that burn black smoke.

Jack: Isn't black smoke the Others' signal?

Sayid: Can you keep it secret?

Jack: Secrets get you killed on this island.

Sayid: No, sex gets you killed.

Jack: Oh, yeah. But only for the females.

Sayid: Right. So no sex with Kate.

Jack: Damn.

--LOST--

Locke: Don't push the button.

Eko: I'm gonna push the button.

Locke: Don't push the button.

Eko: I'm gonna push the button.

Locke: Don't push the button.

Eko: Don't tell me what I can't do.

Locke: You stole my line! (Grabs Jesus stick)

Eko: (snaps fingers) Oh, no, you didn't!

--LOST--

Hurley: It's all fun and games till someone gets shot.

Sawyer: Funny, I think the other way around.

Kate: Maybe this is all just a trap.

Michael: IT'S NOT A TRAP!

Kate: . . .

Jack: . . .

Sawyer: . . . Let's just go before he goes all Incredible Hulk on us.

--LOST--

Desmond: (singing) Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream!

Sayid: I want your boat!

Desmond: Take it!

Sayid: . . . That was easy.

Desmond: I'm not helping you sail it, though.

Sayid: Damn.

Flashback Desmond: Stupid American money.

Flashback Libby: Here, have some more.

Fans: OMG! WTF? Libby!

Flashback Desmond: Wow. Do you have any more money you can just throw at me?

Flashback Libby: No, but I have a boat.

Flashback Desmond: Damn. Wait-what? COOL!

--LOST--

Sawyer: Oh, Look! It's a Baby Doll of Doom!

Kate: Don't! It triggers a net!

Sawyer: Oh, so THAT'S what "getting caught in a net" means!

Kate: You thought Jack and I did WHAT?

Sawyer: Well . . . you know . . . we've only been in this contest to see who would get with you since like the first episode.

Kate: (looks like this) 0.o

Hurley: Dude. The Bird of Doom just said my name!

Sawyer: It was probably asking you where its friend, the Baby Doll of Doom, was.

Michael: WTF? My gun has no bullets!

Jack: Ops! Um . . . yeah . . . sorry about that. It's not like I don't trust you or anything.

--LOST--

Sawyer: Um, sorry, no pregnant women on my boat.

Sun: F-ck you!

Sawyer: Ops! Where are my manners? Welcome aboard!

--LOST--

Desmond: Hi, Claire. You have a pretty demon baby.

Flashback Desmond: Aw, darn. Why couldn't I keep the cool hair I had before?

Flashback Penelope: Peek-a-boo, I see you!

Flashback Desmond: I didn't read the book, I didn't write to you (only, I so totally did , your dad's just an ass), and I'm going away for a year to win this race. But I want you to know that I love you and I never want us to be apart.

Flashback Penelope: Explain to me how that makes any sense.

Flashback Desmond: You're right. It makes no sense at all. But, you know, got to run!

Locke: Jack was right about the button.

Desmond: (sings) Button, button, who's got the button?

Locke: Ecko does.

Desmond: Who's Ecko?

Locke: Just some crazy man with a Jesus stick.

Desmond: Bring it on!

--LOST--

Sun: Whoa! Creepy statue.

Sayid: We're not going to mention it at all until next season so . . . moving on.

Fans: WTF? Why is there only four toes, and why does it matter?

--LOST--

Locke: haha! No button pushing for you!

Ecko: OMG! You stole my Jesus stick! Give it back!

Flashback Desmond: F-cking rain.

Flashback rain: Don't insult me! Take that!

Flashback Desmond: (hits his head) ow!

Flashback Calvin: Want to hear a snowman joke?

Flashback Desmond: Ooooh, pretty button! Can I push it?

Desmond: Why is it called a Jesus stick?

Locke: Because Ecko's a priest.

Desmond: (looks like this) 0.o

Ecko: AHH! Locke's going to blow up the world!

Charlie: OMG! WTF?

Ecko: Dynamite! I need dynamite!

Charlie: Isn't that counter productive?

Ecko: Just show me where the boom-boom sticks are!

--LOST--

Kate: Don't look now, but the Others are following us.

Sawyer: Yes! Target practice!

Jack: Michael, there's a reason your gun didn't have bullets.

Michael: I let Henry go and I killed Ana Lucia . . . oh, and Libby too.

Hurley: (wishes he had a gun right now)

Sawyer: Okay, which one of you do I have to shoot?

--LOST--

Charlie: Locke, Ecko's going to blow up the hatch and you'll all go BOOM like Artz!

Locke: OMG! WTF?

Desmond: (laughs hysterically) haha! Yeah, right!

Flashback Desmond: So . . . why are you painting an invisible map on the wall?

Flashback Calvin: My friend went crazy, put a shotgun in his mouth and went BOOM!

Flashback Desmond: (looks like this) 0.o

Charlie: Locke, seriously, you're about to go BOOM!

Ecko: (grabs Charlie)

Charlie: I'm flattered, but I really don't want to snog you.

Ecko: (takes off Charlie's belt)

Charlie: And I really don't want to shag you either.

Ecko: (thows belt at wall where it sticks to the magnet)

Charlie: OMG! WTF?

Ecko: Locke, prepare to go BOOM!

Charlie: Wait, my dumb-things-to-do o' meter is going off.

Ecko: (lights fuse)

Charlie: Oh, F-ck!

Dynamite/Nitro: I go BOOM! Again!

--LOST--

Flashback Calvin: (singing) Bye, bye Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry. Them good old boys drinkin' wiskey and wine, singin' "This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die."

Flashback Desmond: Um . . . what are you doing?

Flashback Calvin: There was an incident blah blah big ass magnet blah blah put the key in and make everything go BOOM!

Desmond: I think your friends went BOOM!

Locke: Don't care.

Desmond: That's kind of cold.

Locke: Don't care.

Desmond: You're just upset because you don't know what to believe in anymore.

Locke: Don't care.

Desmond: Okay.

--LOST--

Sayid: (sings Mission Impossible theme song and tries out some Charlie's Angles moves)

The Others' Camp: Dude, there's no one here.

Sayid: Damn. (throws down gun in disappointment) I was just warming up my Matrix moves! Oh, look! A hatch!

Fake Hatch: Ha! I'm a ruse!

Fans: OMG! WTF? Why is that even there?

--LOST--

Kate: Why are there all these tubular thingys with journals in them?

Sawyer: Oh, look! Black smoke!

Jack: WTF? Why aren't we near the beach?

Sawyer: SEIZER!

Jack: AH! RUN!

Kate: SEIZER!

Jack: (gets shot with a dart) SEIZER! (looks like this) 0.o

--LOST--

Flashback Desmond: Why did you dress up like Big Bird every time you went outside if you didn't need to?

Flashback Calvin: Since you made fun of me, I'm stealing your boat.

Flashback Desmond: AH! I'll kill you!

Flashback Calvin: (dies)

Flashback Desmond: WTF? I wasn't serious!

Desmond: I'm gonna push the button.

Locke: You're not gonna push the button.

Desmond: I'm gonna push the button.

Locke: You're not gonna push the button.

Desmond: I'm gonna push the button.

Locke: I'm gonna smash the computer monitor!

Desmond: WTF? Why did you do that?

Locke: I only smashed the monitor. You could still push the button. Destroying the monitor doesn't do anything. The hard drive is still there.

Desmond: Yep, you're right, but it's more dramatic if I blow us all up.

Hatch: (plays techno music) The system is down! The system is down!

Charlie: AH! The washer and dryer machines are trying to kill me!

Locke: Oh, sh-t! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! (looks like this) 0.o

Ecko: I'm not leaving without you, Locke! I love you!

Locke: I love you too, man! (hugs)

Hatch: I go BOOM!

--LOST--

Henry: Here, Michael, you can have Walt back.

Walt: I'm not even going to ask why everyone's tied up and we're sailing away. This island is f-ed up and I want to go home!

Dee: Here, Hurley, you can leave.

Fans: We don't get it? Why do they want Sawyer, Kate, and Jack? Are they planning an orgy or something?

--LOST--

Claire: (kisses Charlie)

Claire/Charlie shippers: YAY! FINALLY! YES! OUR LIVES ARE COMPLETE!

Fans: So . . . wait? Are Locke and Desmond and Ecko dead now? Does that mean no more Jesus stick? Nooooo! We love the Jesus stick!

--LOST--

Foreign Guy in a Very Cold Place: The thingy is blinking.

Foreign Guy with the Other Foreign Guy in the Same Cold Place: OMG! OMG! OMG!

Penelope: (answers phone) Oh, you guys speak English now?

Fans: WTF just happened? (look like this) 0.o


End file.
